I just want to begin by saying THANK GOD this month is nearly over! September woke up a side of myself that I thought was long gone. It woke the darkness up, I had no idea it was still there because I tried to hard to ignore it…
I focused so much on the good for a very long time, which obviously, you are supposed to do, but I forgot the bad existed. I shut the darkness out. So when it forced its way back into my life this month, it surprised me. I questioned it and tried my hardest to fight it. But the truth is, no matter how hard I fight, it doesn’t change the fact that it HAS to happen. It doesn’t change the fact that it is there…
There is a long bloody process that I have noticed happens in my life and in most of the people’s lives around me, oveeeeeer and over again…
Everything is going so perfectly, it is the most amazing feeling, just to feel complete and energised and so focused on you, that you are able to push any negative situation aside and pay no attention to it at all.
You feel appreciative that you are able to feel so good. Things fall into place so easily.
But something will happen, it’s not always a big thing but it’s always something. This something could be a situation, a thought, a guy/girl, family, anything that will trigger old patterns and negative thoughts, just like it did to me this month. So just like that, your whole world feels like it has changed from the best to worst. You feel stuck and stressed and completely unable to comprehend what is going on, except one thing…you want to change. You want better for yourself. You want to stop over thinking and just live. But it hasn’t happened and you’re beating yourself up about it because you’ve been trying for ages. You go months feeling like this and you begin to wonder if it will stay like this, you forget how great things were before. Most importantly, you forget how great YOU were. You wonder where you’ve gone because you cannot recognise yourself. You see a darker and more vulnerable side to yourself that you thought you got rid of.
One random day you will wake up and by some miracle you start to feel better. You always do! Your body has done some healing over night because it knows you are ready to move on. It’s not time just yet though. This slight change in emotion has given you a bit of inspiration and positivity that you have looked for during those few months of sadness and confusion. You love and appreciate the lift of emotion so much because you’ve been searching for something positive for ages. The universe feels your gratefulness and provides you with a sign. This sign could be ANYTHING. A word from a friend that triggers a thought that you needed, in order to make something you have been putting off for so long, finally happen. A book that could teach you something new. An opportunity, for work or travel. A night out, where you will meet some amazing people and have the best night, just to remind you that those happy, carefree moments are so important and healthy for you to have.
You will know when you receive this sign because it will send you straight back to the better you. The you that you have been missing for months. It will be the beginning of something new, the beginning of a new and improved YOU!
After that, you start to understand what you had to learn and that what you thought you had emotionally solved before hadn’t really been solved until now. You will feel as if you have removed the darkness that was clouding your judgment for so long.
Just like that, you are happy again, you feel amazing. You feel as though you have been through your worst and have learnt all you that you need…. Until 6 months later, when you’re back to feeling like your life has no meaning, you’re confused, but worse this time because you can’t believe you’re going through this again. Remember that it is okay. Why? because you know you got through it before. You know when the time is right you will receive that beautiful sign from the universe, showing you the way forward again. You know that it’s time for another change in your life. So welcome it with open arms and remember that no matter how low and drained you feel, you have to go through it if you want REAL change. Soldier it! You will know when real change is happening, because you will struggle trying to get there. It will be a long and difficult process. But know this, the harder it becomes…the better the outcome. The wiser and stronger you will be!
Stay positive through the darkness, your light will shine through eventually.